The Five Love Languages Part II // Words of Affirmation
A message by Pastor Mark Jordan based on the book, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

Love is a Choice
- Funny how we use the word ‘love’. We can say I love hotdogs, and in practically the same breath say I love my mother.
- God gives us the power of choice, making love all the more powerful
Words Are Important
- Sticks and stones: words do hurt
- But words also have creative power
What Else Does God Have To Say?
- James 3.9-10: With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
- Proverbs 18.21: The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
- Proverbs 12.25: An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
Three Dialects In “Words of Affirmation”
Encouraging Words
- Inspires courage: lack of courage prohibits us from doing the positive things we want to do. Most of us have more potential than we will ever realize. We simply lack the courage. Our loved ones can often give us the necessary catalyst.
- Requires empathy: requires us to see things from our loved ones’ perspectives
Kind Words: To communicate love verbally we must use kind words
- Seek understanding and reconciliation
- Let the past be history
Humble Words
- Love makes requests, not demands: this includes ultimatums, because when you make a request of your loved one, you affirm their abilities.
- A humble request introduces the element of choice. Love is always a choice.
Translating Love
- Keep a journal or list, tracking the affirming words you hear
- Affirm your loved ones when they are not around
- Affirm your loved ones in front of others
Reflection Questions
- How does it strike you that love is a choice?
- How do words have creative power? What have you done, or can you do, to channel the creative power of your own words?
- We looked at three verses about words in Scripture. What aspect of how our words affect life comforts you? Challenges you?
- What are the three dialects in Words of Affirmation? How does the element of choice play into the dialects?
- What do you need to do to better translate love for your loved one(s); especially those for whom words of affirmation is their primary love language?
If Your Loved One’s Love Language Is Words of Affirmation*
1. To remind yourself that “Words of Affirmation” is your spouse’s primary love language, print ‘Words Are Important’ on a 3×5 card and put it on a mirror or other place where you will see it daily.
2. For one week, keep a written record of all the words of affirmation you give your loved ones each day. At the end of the week, review the record. For example, “One Monday I said, “Dinner was great!” “You did a great job mowing the grass.” You might be surprised how well (or poorly) you are speaking words of affirmation.
3. Set a goal to give your loved on a different compliment each day for one month. You may want to record these compliments also, so you do not duplicate the statements.
4. As you observe others, read, watch TV, listen to the radio, etc., keep a record of the words of affirmation you find. Read through these periodically and select ones you could use with your loved ones. Your notebook could become your love book. Remember, words are important!
5. Write a love sentence, a love paragraph, or love letter to your loved one, and give it quietly or with fanfare.
6. Compliment your loved ones in the presence of other important people to them.
7. Tell your loved ones what you believe their strengths are. Chances are that he/she will work hard to live up to that reputation.
8. Tell your children how great their mother/father is whether he/she is around or not. Chances are, word will get back to your spouse.
9. Write a poem describing how you feel about your loved one. If you aren’t a poet, choose a greeting card that accurately describes your thoughts and feelings. Underline special words and add your own note at the end.
10. If you find speaking Words of Affirmation is difficult for you, try practicing it in a mirror or even using a cue card. Remember, words are important!
*Chapman, Gary Dr., The Five Love Languages. Northfield Publishing, Chicago, IL. 1992. Adapted from pgs. 55-56